It has been two years since I last wrote on my blog. TWO. A lot has happened in those two years. I got married to a wonderful man that I’ve known for 10 years and finally was able to convince I’m not completely weird. We are almost to our 2-year anniversary, and I couldn’t be more proud of us. Honestly, it has been really hard; being married, and finishing school and trying to have a career. But he has been the best partner I could ask for through all of the transition.
I’ve been meaning to write on this blog for a while now, because I have had so many thoughts and experiences, but every time I went to write I felt that it didn’t mean much at all. But today is different, I’m tired of sitting here thinking I don’t matter, and dreaming of making a difference, but not having the strength to speak. And finally I’ve realized that shit is not going to get done in my life if I’m sitting around on my ass. I have lists upon lists of dreams, thoughts, things I want to accomplish, people I want to meet, experiences I want to have! And I let my fear of failure weigh me down in those times of inspiration. I tell myself it’s not worth it; I’m not going to succeed. Wow, what a lie that is! I am free to live and to love and to experience.
So here was are; today and these are the things I know. I have a bachelor’s degree in acting/directing. We are over $80,000 in debt because my student loans. We are renting an apartment that has more troubles in it than I think I can handle. Our only pet and responsibility of life is our bunny named Gandalf the Gray; who quite possibly is the grumpiest pet I have ever owned, but we love him for it. My darling works full-time in Portland. He just received his AA diploma in the mail and we are praying about what his next steps in schooling may be. I work part-time at my dream theater. And although I’m not acting there quite yet, I have been building great friendships and I am very blessed by the opportunity to be at there, surrounded by incredibly talented people.
I’ve been blessed with some acting gigs too, which is what I want to do. It is hard being an actor; I’ve auditioned a lot and have heard “no” plenty of times. This year so far has been incredibly fruitful. In January I participated in a play reading festival called Fertile Ground. And in two weeks I begin rehearsals for an actual show at Shaking the Tree theatre. I will be the maid Helene in the show A Doll’s House. And I am so thrilled for that opportunity. It will be my first legit show since graduating. It’s a crazy feeling, when looking at auditions and realizing I can’t audition for anything that conflicts with this project. It’s a wonderful feeling, knowing that I am will be doing what I love for the next few months. And auditions for the theaters in Portland are just around the corner, I’m preparing for those as well, with a lot more confidence. My darling has been such a support in the times of feeling inadequate as an actor, as well as the times of the thrill and jubilation of success. Even the other day he suggested the idea of moving, so that I could pursue my craft in a bigger sphere. Moving will definitely be in our future, but right now I am getting my footing in Portland, and I plan to continue doing that for a while.
The last two years have been full of joy, struggle, laughter, and a whole lot of grace. My darling and I both feel we are finally figuring things out, we are past the transition of school, past the “new job” phase, and are finally laying the foundation down for our family. Our goals right now are to become less materialistic, pay off our debt, save for a house, be giving and gracious servants, and to love each other fiercely.
Over the next few weeks I will strive to get back in the writing game. I want to share our journey to debt freedom, our dreams, and our accomplishments. There is exciting stuff happening in our life right now, and I don’t share it too often; especially on social media. But this blog has been a place of rejoicing, giving and determination, and I want to continue that over the next few weeks, possibly months and years.
Much love to you all.